dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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