i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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