Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
