whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
