They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
