Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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