Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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