I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
