Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
