Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
