just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
