ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
