I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
