I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
