pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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