i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
