ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
