I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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