honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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