Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
