He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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