I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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