ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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