I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
