shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just tell him i said nine months
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i out mim tonsoeep
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
