Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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