Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
