Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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