Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize