its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i think my cat just said my name.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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