is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize