By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
