I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
