My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
