these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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