I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
