oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
