:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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