Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
