rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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