Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
