wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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