I am in a vortex of obligation.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
