Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
