i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
