I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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