mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
