I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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