I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
