you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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