Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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