So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
