I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
