After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
