i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
