your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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