how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
