some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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