im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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