Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
