He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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