I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
