i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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