Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I puked a lego.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
