What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
