I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My cat gives me a boner
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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