return my video game
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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